Man vs. Heart Attack

It’s Friday morning and my man is eating breakfast while watching the latest “Man vs. Food” on the DVR.  One little sentence and I am grossed out on several levels.

A) Karl watched someone else frantically stuffing their face with a six-pound frittata while he leisurely ate a nice, semi-healthy turkey-sausage and egg sandwich.  This strikes me as some sort of food fetish porn.

B) A six-pound frittata?!?!? The “Man” just ate a newborn baby!!!  More than a newborn baby because I’d bet at least a pound or two of newborn weight comes from bone.  RETCH!

C) Shows like this just give Karl more ideas and Karl is easily influenced by visual and print media.  He saw an ad for the Taco Bell shrimp taco: he ate it.  Ad for the KFC double-down: he ate it.  Fake ad for the KFC skinwich: he wants to eat it.  Karl already talks of a grilled-cheese sandwich stuffed with fried cheesesticks as if its a new goal to be tackled.  (I almost called the cheesestick sandwich his “Holy Grail” but I recall the Holy Grail being a bit more difficult to find than on the menu at Denny’s.  Sean Connery almost died for the Holy Grail in the third Indiana Jones film!)

Or maybe by watching “Man vs. Food” Karl vicariously relives his glory days of the Gentleman’s Eating Club from a few years back.  He and several of his equally disturbed friends had a mission one summer to eat their way to health problems.  The GEC wives sat there eating modest meals, trying to ignore the elephants in the room.

I’m a little ashamed to admit it now but I secretly rooted Karl on.  I talked about his ability to eat a 2-lb hamburger with disgust in my voice but pride in my heart.  (That’s MY man with a distended stomach and meat sweats!)  Still, it’s wrong to congratulate people on their ability shovel food into their mouths, right?  I guess I won’t worry until I find a stash of cracked eggs in my compost bin and a six-pound frittata on one plate.

4 Responses to “Man vs. Heart Attack”
  1. Jeanna says:

    I feel your pain. This weekend Jason is running a race in which he has to run 1.8 miles, eat 12 doughnuts, and then run 1.8 miles back… all for a T-shirt and it has to be done in less than an hour. He ate 8 doughnuts in 7 minutes this weekend as some sort of sick “training.”

    He also has taken part in the KFC double down.

    I think we need to go on a double date and take them to get this… it is a double cheeseburger between two grilled cheese sandwiches, with bacon, mushroom, onion, lettuce and tomato.. check out this story and you can see a picture of it…. oh and it’s called the Tommy Two Ton..

  2. Masonic Youth says:

    Karl should do that Donut Dash in Roanoke this weekend. Run 1.8 miles, eat a dozen donuts, and then run 1.8 miles.
    I’m going to miss it this weekend because I’m working that day, but I’m hoping to do a similar race in Raleigh next February.

  3. washita red says:

    Dang you painted a sharp image of Karl as one mindless beast who doesnt speak. Lol funny!

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